Well, I have been neglectful of my blog, but I hope that is to change. This is going to be more of an opinion post than anything else (sorry, no science). What I want to know is why the "gifted" must suffer.
All my life, I've been different from everyone else. This has had its benefits and malefactors. Well, things in school have always came easy to me (except gym, social graces, and flirting with girls). Sure, it seems that I have a bright future ahead of me, but there are so many other things going on. I'm bored. I really feel as though I'm wasting my time ging to school because I'm not getting enough out of it. I'm taking all honors and AP this year, and I can say that I am bored with the level of material. The amount of material is staggering, but that does not compensate for me actually being challenged on an intellectual level. Also, because I am in the wonderful world of high school (sarcasm intented), everyone and their brother hates and judges me because of my intellect. I have to be so careful in what I say and do so I don't upset anyone in the class. Besides, I don't think I have such a bright future. I used to stress over everything, especially my grades. I still do, but the medicine made me stress A LOT less. I always mess up, and it is always a constant reminder of why I will never be good enough... People think I'm lucky to have a high I.Q., to be smarter than 99.99 whatever percent of the population. All that means is that I can't relate to 99.99% of the population, and it is VERY hard to find good, relatable friends. I do have friends, but I don't think a single one understands who I really am. I can't share what I am passionate about with anyone because there is no one to share it with. I hate being alone, but it is all I know how to be.
My second main point is on mental illness. I don't know if high intelligence attributes from a major flaw or a low capacity in another area of the brain, but from what I have found, you can't really say that smart people are gifted. Now, I do not include all people considered "smart", I mean genius level. I apologize if I am coming off as pompous, but the higher high level people are the ones I am focusing on. Studies have shown that "gifted" individuals (generally with IQ's 140+)(these are the ones I am talking about), tend to be deficient or ill in other areas of the brain. First, there are the savants, which are (forgive me for being politically incorrect) autistic geniuses, Rain Man for example. Next, there are the typical "nerds". I have anxiety and depression problems, far greater than the average person. I get panic attacks from high stress, confined spaces, and loud noises. I also hear voices when I am under high stress. These voices don't tell me to do crimes; they remind of how miserable I am. These symptoms are quite common among those with high creativity and intellect. They make it hard to live everyday life, and it seems like there are only a few people in the world who understand that we are in pain, that we don't want this burden.
Why is it like this? Why is it that any other person can live a happy and fulfilling life yet I am destined to do something like prove string theory? Why is it that I am miserable in the process? Why are people still jealous of my potential for success when it costs happiness? Am I destined to do something "great" and sacrifice any hopes of happiness? What if I can't do anything good enough? Do I have any hopes at real happiness? Feel free to comment on your opinions of the plague of being "gifted".
