Human

          I don't get people.  I just fail to understand them.  Everyday, I lose faith in humanity when I'm in school.  No one seems to be of good heart anymore.  I understand that adolescents usually have some hormonal activity during the high school years, but what I go through on a daily basis is simply outrageous.  No one has any sense of what is right and what is wrong.  Suicide is not a joke and shouldn't be treated lightly, yet I'm faced to hear "Go kill yourself" or "Just end your life" on a daily basis.  These people make me sick.  At least half the kids in some of my AP classes cheat on a regular basis.  To them, AP means harder work; so they're justified in getting around it.  To me, AP is supposed to mean an increase in the caliber of education and people.  I guess it doesn't mean Advanced morality.  Also, nearly everyone is a hypocrite.  Trust no one.  Don't ever tell anyone else anything that's personal and important because that person will screw you over.

          I thought that the adolescent years are supposed to be a time of maturity and growth into adulthood.  The morons I'm surrounded by are all Benjamin Button!  Most of them grow worse as high school progresses.  I say most because there are only a few good souls left in the school, according to my current understanding.  Anyone one of them could easily fall from grace and sink into the behemoth masses.  It has happened before, and I REALLY don't want it to happen again.  People that have been severely bullied turn around and start attacking others.  Has suffering taught nothing?

          Now, I know I am far from perfect.  I am perhaps the biggest mistake on the planet.  Except, I recognize that.  I know I make mistakes, large and small (mostly large).  Except, I want to correct them.  I want to be a better person.  I want to be so that society can at least tolerate me.  Being that I am a mistake, I don't know when I am making a mistake.  I admit this!  I apologize in advance!  I'm sorry for being me!  I'm really trying to not be a nuisance to people, especially my friends.  It's never enough.  What more can I do?  All I know is I want to be better.  I care about everyone else (even though a solid 99% doesn't care about me); so I try to improve myself, improve myself for them.  It doesn't seem like anyone else does that.

          Why does it seem that no one is human?  Nearly everyone has been dehumanized, feeding off the misery of others, stabbing friends in the back, committing to live to dishonesty and dishonor.  I know I don't agree with these things, and I don't fit into these things.  Am I too human because I care too much?  Or are they human?  Are these the qualities of humanity?  Then what does that make me?  Am I the animal?  Is caring too much the true problem in this world?  What does it mean to be human?