I Stand Alone?

          What does it mean to be alone? For the majority of my day, I am alone. I don't really talk to people during my classes. I sit alone at lunch and say nothing for the most part. I do say "hey" to people in the hallways, primarily my really close friends... the ones I trust. I do have a Twitter, but I mostly do certain things because I feel obligated to. If I just get rid of it, I run the risk of being a bad friend to those I do care about by abandoning them. At least, I just think that. Mostly for after-school activities, I go there to work. It's so nice though when I do get to talk to people, primarily one or two people at a time. I can't stand crowds. I consider myself alone because my social interaction with others is far below average.  I consider the average to chat away at lunch to friends and text non-stop during class (or whenever the opportunity presents itself). So I'm alone, what does that mean?

          I've been able to tell when I feel lonely based on feeling hurt, sad, and envious when surrounded by people yet I just sit there (aka lunch).  I know, "If you're lonely you should just get up and talk to other people."  First, I don't think anyone would want to talk to me. Not putting myself down, just being realistic. Second, I wouldn't know want to talk about. I have pretty bad social skills. Once again, being realistic. Third, there's only one other kid at my table, and I don't want to leave him by himself. Sure, we don't talk to each other, but I know how much it hurts when somebody just decides to leave you. "You're not worth my time; rot alone for all I care. I have better things to do." This chorus echoes in my head pretty much everyday at lunch. It's fine, though, I'm still kicking.

          Why the pain? I thought I was an introvert? After a lot of thinking this luxurious break, I think I understand this. I feel lonely because society holds the standard that teenagers need to be in constant interaction with others. I see so many people, happy, talking, and together; I feel as though that's what I need.  No.  When I don't think about others, I'm fine by myself; heck, I'm spectacular. When I'm with other people, I always feel awkward and in pain, anxious that I will mess up.  It's like trying to ask an out-of-your-league girl out (yes I know what that's like), except it applies to everyone, even the friends I hold dear. I only feel upset because I make myself upset. If I'm consciously alone, I'll feel bad. I need to learn to be content with being alone; I need to forsake this societal custom that loneliness is unnatural for the teenager.  Or, at least, accept the pain. I've been doing that lately at lunch where I tell myself that this pain is life so accept it for what it is. Sure, my chest, stomach, and throat hurt with shortness breath, but I feel better going to my next class. I feel good knowing I felt life, even if it is the bad part.

          So, I just felt like getting this out there. I hate Twitter and social networking sites and crowds. I enjoy getting some interaction in, (this is my interaction for today), even though it still hurts. But hey, life hurts. I'm learning to like the pain. Lastly, I need to break the hold of trying to fit into society's norm. I don't need a big group of friends, I don't need to be constantly with someone, and I don't need a girlfriend.

SILC Plans

          Well, I know it's late, but I can't get certain things off of my mind.  I will (most likely) be assisting my G+T teacher in her G+T class.  I can't wait; I have so many ideas.  I just wanted to get them laid out (and possibly looked over by a certain someone because I can never find time to stop by her class because of the wacky scheduling *wink*wink).  (and if this person does read this, then "Hi! I miss you!")  If there is to be a science related unit, I would have various topics of discussion each day.  Some days will be interactive lecture, others experiments, and others demonstrations.  For the most part, I'll lean towards physics (being the granddaddy  of the sciences) and try to steer clear of the math.  I have an idea for 1 day to explain proportionality and inverse proportionality to help the students understand where certain equations come from and how to set one up based on experimental data.  I can definitely give a couple demonstrations in kinematics and the Newton Laws.  Every day or couple of days, we can tackle major units: Kinematics, Thermodynamics, Waves, Buoyancy, Energy, Momentum, etc... For the final project, I have the idea of briefly going into what quantum mechanics and theoretical physics are and have them develop a theory to something.  I'll make a different scenario for each group of kids, and they will have to use their knowledge of physics to hypothesize reasoning for why the scenario is behaving as it is.  To make it interesting, they are given limited information about the scenario but enough that they can draw conclusions. For instance, water is traveling up a pipe, without a pump.  Solutions can vary in vacuum at the top, change in pressure, H20 gas is traveling up the pipe.  They have to design an experiment to test if their theory is right, and if we have time, I'll throw in an added detail that they find during the experiment.  It's all theoretical but obeying the laws of nature, which is pretty much the frontier of modern physics.  With any other lesson, I can offer a scientific perspective and logical reasoning.  Also, I can contribute heavily to the debate unit and public speaking.  I have Carl Sagan's Baloney Detection Kit, and I think I can make some fun out of that.  Well, this is what I got so far.  Now, I must study for the AP Chem test.