I Stand Alone?

          What does it mean to be alone? For the majority of my day, I am alone. I don't really talk to people during my classes. I sit alone at lunch and say nothing for the most part. I do say "hey" to people in the hallways, primarily my really close friends... the ones I trust. I do have a Twitter, but I mostly do certain things because I feel obligated to. If I just get rid of it, I run the risk of being a bad friend to those I do care about by abandoning them. At least, I just think that. Mostly for after-school activities, I go there to work. It's so nice though when I do get to talk to people, primarily one or two people at a time. I can't stand crowds. I consider myself alone because my social interaction with others is far below average.  I consider the average to chat away at lunch to friends and text non-stop during class (or whenever the opportunity presents itself). So I'm alone, what does that mean?

          I've been able to tell when I feel lonely based on feeling hurt, sad, and envious when surrounded by people yet I just sit there (aka lunch).  I know, "If you're lonely you should just get up and talk to other people."  First, I don't think anyone would want to talk to me. Not putting myself down, just being realistic. Second, I wouldn't know want to talk about. I have pretty bad social skills. Once again, being realistic. Third, there's only one other kid at my table, and I don't want to leave him by himself. Sure, we don't talk to each other, but I know how much it hurts when somebody just decides to leave you. "You're not worth my time; rot alone for all I care. I have better things to do." This chorus echoes in my head pretty much everyday at lunch. It's fine, though, I'm still kicking.

          Why the pain? I thought I was an introvert? After a lot of thinking this luxurious break, I think I understand this. I feel lonely because society holds the standard that teenagers need to be in constant interaction with others. I see so many people, happy, talking, and together; I feel as though that's what I need.  No.  When I don't think about others, I'm fine by myself; heck, I'm spectacular. When I'm with other people, I always feel awkward and in pain, anxious that I will mess up.  It's like trying to ask an out-of-your-league girl out (yes I know what that's like), except it applies to everyone, even the friends I hold dear. I only feel upset because I make myself upset. If I'm consciously alone, I'll feel bad. I need to learn to be content with being alone; I need to forsake this societal custom that loneliness is unnatural for the teenager.  Or, at least, accept the pain. I've been doing that lately at lunch where I tell myself that this pain is life so accept it for what it is. Sure, my chest, stomach, and throat hurt with shortness breath, but I feel better going to my next class. I feel good knowing I felt life, even if it is the bad part.

          So, I just felt like getting this out there. I hate Twitter and social networking sites and crowds. I enjoy getting some interaction in, (this is my interaction for today), even though it still hurts. But hey, life hurts. I'm learning to like the pain. Lastly, I need to break the hold of trying to fit into society's norm. I don't need a big group of friends, I don't need to be constantly with someone, and I don't need a girlfriend.

SILC Plans

          Well, I know it's late, but I can't get certain things off of my mind.  I will (most likely) be assisting my G+T teacher in her G+T class.  I can't wait; I have so many ideas.  I just wanted to get them laid out (and possibly looked over by a certain someone because I can never find time to stop by her class because of the wacky scheduling *wink*wink).  (and if this person does read this, then "Hi! I miss you!")  If there is to be a science related unit, I would have various topics of discussion each day.  Some days will be interactive lecture, others experiments, and others demonstrations.  For the most part, I'll lean towards physics (being the granddaddy  of the sciences) and try to steer clear of the math.  I have an idea for 1 day to explain proportionality and inverse proportionality to help the students understand where certain equations come from and how to set one up based on experimental data.  I can definitely give a couple demonstrations in kinematics and the Newton Laws.  Every day or couple of days, we can tackle major units: Kinematics, Thermodynamics, Waves, Buoyancy, Energy, Momentum, etc... For the final project, I have the idea of briefly going into what quantum mechanics and theoretical physics are and have them develop a theory to something.  I'll make a different scenario for each group of kids, and they will have to use their knowledge of physics to hypothesize reasoning for why the scenario is behaving as it is.  To make it interesting, they are given limited information about the scenario but enough that they can draw conclusions. For instance, water is traveling up a pipe, without a pump.  Solutions can vary in vacuum at the top, change in pressure, H20 gas is traveling up the pipe.  They have to design an experiment to test if their theory is right, and if we have time, I'll throw in an added detail that they find during the experiment.  It's all theoretical but obeying the laws of nature, which is pretty much the frontier of modern physics.  With any other lesson, I can offer a scientific perspective and logical reasoning.  Also, I can contribute heavily to the debate unit and public speaking.  I have Carl Sagan's Baloney Detection Kit, and I think I can make some fun out of that.  Well, this is what I got so far.  Now, I must study for the AP Chem test.

The Beautiful People

          So Valentine's Day is on my mind (and not the upcoming midterms and SAT (so I write this to get this out of my system so I can get back to the important stuff)).  Every year, I always feel sad on this particular day because it's a constant reminder of me possibly dying miserably alone.  It suddenly hit me, why do I have to put up with this?  So, I'm deciding on doing something special for that day, something that will make others and me happy.  I have no idea what, but it's gonna be awesome... I hope... Anyway, I've been thinking about what Valentine's Day means to the high-schooler.  It means looks.  In high school, looks are everything.  Don't try to defend yourself because there are nearly no people in high school mature enough to actually appreciate another person's personality.  So, in high school, Valentine's Day is a holiday celebrating the "beautiful" people, all the people in relationships and that can easily get into a relationship.  I'm sick of it.  For example, I'm a skinny kid.  I mean, skinny to the point its ugly.  People have actually told me that I have potential if I work out a little...  Now, no one reading this can see this, but I'm infuriated just thinking about this.  Exercise is good, I'll say that, but I do exercise.  I do eat, A LOT.  From research, I just have a skinny body type, ectomorph.  It is very hard for me to gain muscle mass.  I'm about 5'10" and weigh about 165 pounds.  I'm not underweight, but I'm still very skinny.  From what I've seen, for someone with my body type and numbers, it will require a very sizable effort for any noticeable changes to take place.  I will NOT change myself so that I appease other people.  I always have the option to change, but that is not who I am.  My identity is the one thing that I can carry with me through my life, even in failure.  When I fail, I at least know that I failed.  I am disgusted that there is a celebration in which people like me just have to suffer because we were not fortunate enough to have socially acceptable looks or personalities and not willing to sacrifice who we are.  The problem is, I really don't have it all that bad.  Girls are under constant pressure to look a certain way.  This part of society truly disturbs me.  NO girl should be called ugly because she doesn't look like some photoshopped person from a magazine.  The solid majority of the girls, who are so lovable personality-wise, that I know are beautiful young women.  It breaks me heart to hear when any one of them says that she isn't pretty enough or doesn't have the confidence to approach a guy.  These are girls who deserve great guys, but they are unfortunate to be high-schoolers in a public school system.  These girls are beautiful and will find love outside of high-school, not because they'll change (I hope none of them ever will) but because they will meet the right people.
           This is what I want to say, to tell them.  I want to tell the real beautiful people that they're beautiful because society doesn't do that.  I want to bring justice.  But, I can't tell them out front; no, that's too easy (and a little creepy).  I want to tell the beautiful people that they are beautiful because society does not tell them this, but how?  It's not like I take pity on these girls; I sort of envy them, actually.  They'll find love outside of high-school. I'm screwed for life.  I just want to make things right.  I can't be the only sad on V-Day, right?  I want to make them happy, proud of themselves.  I want to make them feel how they truly are, beautiful.

Flo-Rida Plays Silent Hill 2?

          Alright, so it's been a while since I posted something that's light-hearted... Probably the first time I will post something that's light-hearted.  Anyway, there was a song I overheard a while back that caught my attention.  Strangely, this was not anything alternative or thrash metal, but it was still catchy.  The lyrics were rather promiscuous and carried little meaning, but the guitar in the background was hypnotic.  The song was "Whistle" by Flo Rida.  Now I know what you're thinking: he's listening to modern music?!? NOOOOO!!! Not that filth!!  Well, in actuality, I was not listening to modern pop/hip-hop/crud.  That guitar was simply entrancing.  It gave me a weird feeling... What was it?... Oh yes! Memory! I remember hearing something similar in an entirely different medium.  As it turns out, the guitar introduction in "Whistle" is a sped-up, slightly altered riff of that in "Promise" from the Original Soundtrack in Silent Hill 2.  The main differences are tempo and the tone on the amplifier.  Really, check it out! I liked that riff so much because I heard it before and already associated enjoyment with it.  This begs the question: Did Flo-Rida rip off a video game?
          Foremost, the actual person that wrote "Whistle" could have heard it and decided to "sample", take the riff and change a few things.  Being from a not popular source where no one but yours truly would ever actually notice it, the producers decided it would not be a big deal to take it from Silent Hill 2 note for note.  OR, this could be completely coincidental (not likely).  Even if they did take it, so what?  There are two options: the original was so good, Flo-Rida had to remake it to show respect for the original; or modern music producers are lazy and not creative.  First of all, this riff IS worth putting into popular culture.  It carries emotion.  (Oh but its from a stupid game.)  Silent Hill 2 is a psychological horror video game that has one of the greatest story lines I have ever been exposed to.  This isn't about the game itself, but I will say the game concerns the elements of remorse, self-suffering, and psychological horror.  It is built around the premise of James Sunderland receiving a letter from his wife who has been dead for years.  It is scary.  It is sad.  It is a true tragedy.  "Promise" seems to captivate the game, and it leaves me speechless every time I hear it.  That is what "Whistle" must live up to.  Does it?  Well... read through the lyrics.  I won't contaminate this blog with them; so, that should give my opinion of the subject.  What about any of you?  Any defenders of Flo-Rida?  Anyone else know of any "sampled" songs?  Other ones by my definition of sampled include: "So Cold" by Breaking Benjamin from "Spiders" by System of a Down and (sigh) a Nickelback song from "Walk" by Pantera.  Leave a comment and have a great day :)

New Year's Resolution

          Well, I know it's early, but I have already decided on what my New Year's Resolution is, to not be scary.  As a child, I was always the one scared easily.  People bullied me for it; people scared me to bully me.  I wanted to revenge that pain.  Now, I realize the harm that it truly is.  Not only did I overcome my fears I had as a child, but I became the fear of other people.  It is now I recognize that others fear me.  I always thought of myself as a freak but not a monster.  I am though... I've scared away too many friends.  I want to change things.  I don't want to lose anyone else I hold dear to my heart.  I don't want to hurt anyone else.  I don't want to be scared of myself anymore.  I will end the fear, and I will try to replace it with love and compassion.  It's funny, though.  I used to be the scared little kid.  Now, I am the fear.  But that will change.  I have friends to fight for.  It will change.

Human

          I don't get people.  I just fail to understand them.  Everyday, I lose faith in humanity when I'm in school.  No one seems to be of good heart anymore.  I understand that adolescents usually have some hormonal activity during the high school years, but what I go through on a daily basis is simply outrageous.  No one has any sense of what is right and what is wrong.  Suicide is not a joke and shouldn't be treated lightly, yet I'm faced to hear "Go kill yourself" or "Just end your life" on a daily basis.  These people make me sick.  At least half the kids in some of my AP classes cheat on a regular basis.  To them, AP means harder work; so they're justified in getting around it.  To me, AP is supposed to mean an increase in the caliber of education and people.  I guess it doesn't mean Advanced morality.  Also, nearly everyone is a hypocrite.  Trust no one.  Don't ever tell anyone else anything that's personal and important because that person will screw you over.

          I thought that the adolescent years are supposed to be a time of maturity and growth into adulthood.  The morons I'm surrounded by are all Benjamin Button!  Most of them grow worse as high school progresses.  I say most because there are only a few good souls left in the school, according to my current understanding.  Anyone one of them could easily fall from grace and sink into the behemoth masses.  It has happened before, and I REALLY don't want it to happen again.  People that have been severely bullied turn around and start attacking others.  Has suffering taught nothing?

          Now, I know I am far from perfect.  I am perhaps the biggest mistake on the planet.  Except, I recognize that.  I know I make mistakes, large and small (mostly large).  Except, I want to correct them.  I want to be a better person.  I want to be so that society can at least tolerate me.  Being that I am a mistake, I don't know when I am making a mistake.  I admit this!  I apologize in advance!  I'm sorry for being me!  I'm really trying to not be a nuisance to people, especially my friends.  It's never enough.  What more can I do?  All I know is I want to be better.  I care about everyone else (even though a solid 99% doesn't care about me); so I try to improve myself, improve myself for them.  It doesn't seem like anyone else does that.

          Why does it seem that no one is human?  Nearly everyone has been dehumanized, feeding off the misery of others, stabbing friends in the back, committing to live to dishonesty and dishonor.  I know I don't agree with these things, and I don't fit into these things.  Am I too human because I care too much?  Or are they human?  Are these the qualities of humanity?  Then what does that make me?  Am I the animal?  Is caring too much the true problem in this world?  What does it mean to be human?

Nikola Tesla: The Key to the Future of Power

         We are at a dilemma in terms of power.  The best thing that we have going for us as humans is nuclear fission, but that is far too dangerous.  There is another form of nuclear energy known as nuclear fusion, but that is still under development.  The major problem is the inability to produce more energy than the amount put in.  Are we plagued with inefficiency of power for the remainder of our existence?  Hardly, that is unless someone will "step up" with  an innovative approach.  Yes, I am referencing Nikola Tesla, the Lost Wizard.
         Back in the olden days of Edison and the light bulb, Edison hired Tesla to create a more efficient form of electrical power.  I will not go into the whole history of Edison and Tesla, but I will sum it up that Tesla succeeded with Alternative Current.  This was vastly superior to Edison's Direct Current, the direct flowing of electrons from one area to another. AC involves the alternating current of electricity to give power.  This gave more power than DC and would reach much farther distances.  So, are we to just wait until another Tesla comes up with a magical idea? No.  Let put this this into perspective about what really went on.
        Direct Current is simple.  Electrons flow from one area to another.  Like static electricity from your hand to the door knob or vice versa.  Alternative Current is more complicated, but far more interesting.  It reminds me of a video I saw from MIT OpenCourseWare with Professor Lewin.(not sure if I spelt the name right)  I strongly encourage anyone reading to check out any of his lecture videos.  They are truly worth seeing; perhaps, some of the best lectures I have ever seen.  Anyway, he rubs a balloon against his head and hair, giving both the balloon and his head a negative charge. (I believe negative or possibly positive. Let's assume negative) With the balloon stuck to his head, he turns on a device that emits the opposite charge. (Going to assume positive) At this, the balloon rushes over because the negative charge is attracted to the positive charge.  Once the balloon makes contact, it springs back to the head.  The negative charge (excess electrons) was (were) removed from the balloon, and the balloon became positively charged (lack of electrons).  Because his head was still negatively charged, the balloon was attracted back to the head where the balloon will gain excess electrons once it makes contact with his head.  It was truly hilarious to watch the balloon repeatedly bounce back and forth between the device and the Professor's head, but it was also fascinating to watch how quickly and efficiently electrons are moving to give this balloon an alternating path.  It all made sense, but it was not as nearly as simple as direct current.  At a time where all anyone knew was that electrons flowed to positively charged sources from negatively charged sources, the premise of alternating current was truly advanced and (most importantly) creative.  It was a creative approach to solving the problem to make electrical energy much more efficient.  This was the key for alternating current.  It did not take magic to create, just an innovative mind with a different perspective.
          This is how we can use nuclear fusion.  We haven't been able to do it because we have not been looking at it the right way.  We need to look at it like Tesla, not magically, creatively.  I strongly think we can attain usage of nuclear fusion; we just need the right creative mind for it.
          Lastly, I would like to encourage anyone to check out Epic Rap Battles of History: Tesla vs. Edison.  If you know the history between Tesla and Edison or perhaps a Tesla, check it out on Youtube.  It truly is an entertaining video that I think portrays Tesla as the epic, scientist he is.